Emotional Deception

Hey there, I'm back with another touchy topic, deception in relationships. When I say relationships, I don't only refer to the intimate ones between partners, this statement blankets all relationship types. Relationships in general are connections between two individuals which can cause positive or negative effects on one's daily interactions. The results of these effects can be minor in which a person can easily move on and disengage from to something as serious as falling into bouts of depression.

One effect that relationships have on us is emotional deception. Deception has been defined as "the act of encouraging people to believe information that is not true" (Psychology Today, 2024). Furthermore, deception is often used for gain, therefore, the individual being deceived often gives in because they are being told what they want to hear. Nonetheless, deception ruins the trust amongst individuals.

How Emotional Deception Almost Ruined My Life!

The Bible states the following about deception:

• "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight." (Proverbs 12:22)

• "Your tongue plots destruction, like a sharp razor, you worker of deceit." (Psalm 52:2)

• "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap." (Galatians 6:7)

These scriptures scream at me when thinking of my former relationships, especially the one with my step father. My upbringing shifted most at the age of 12 when I noticed that the person who had been raising my whole life, lacked the emotional intellect to speak kindly, implement appropriate consequences, and attempted to resolve issues by breaking one's spirit. I recall numerous times when he and I would have heated discussions which led to me being called vile names. Soon after, he would go back to routine like it never happened and state that he "loved" me, however, his actions proved otherwise. This cycle continued for years, teaching me that emotional deception leads us down dangerous paths of ignorance.

Unfortunately, the emotional deception did not stop there! During the time that I was involved with my child's father, I was in an extremely vulnerable state. I had just admitted to my resentments towards my biological father for feeling that he deserted me since I was not raised by him. So, I was on the verge of preparing to fix that relationship, and my mental state was gumbled. Fast forward to dating, I was subconsciously recreating the same scenarios that I was in with my dad such as: begging for attention, awaiting empty promises, being told I was loved but was ignored simultaneously. My strong desire for this affection resulted in pregnancy.

At the time of my pregnancy, I was fed more lies. My child's father would say he was going to be supportive of my child and I and that he wanted to full involvement, but the efforts were futile. This emotional let down caused me an enormous amount of stress. The stress then snowballed into countless nights of wet pillows and sadness (all which are not good for a growing fetus). Thankfully, I was able to give birth to a healthy baby girl.

Overall, the pain of being sold a dream by someone whose love seems vital to you can be irremediable! It took me many years to learn how to spot deception and walk away because I began to believe that it was how relationships should be. Over time, I struggled with bouts of depression and battled alcoholism which I used in order to suppress my anger and disappointment. Even with an amazing career in the field of education, I made poor decisions that almost cost me my teaching license like getting into altercations.

In the end, I was able to get the needed therapy and supports to overcome my emotional weaknesses. Today, I am much happier as I am able to set boundaries and parameters for how others will treat me. I no longer count on words, but actions when dealing with others.